True Confessions of a Mom: Jennie’s Top Ten Guide to Spotting a Tourist (Based on Being One)

Posted by on Jul 2, 2015 in

True Confessions of a Mom:  Jennie’s Top Ten Guide to Spotting a Tourist (Based on Being One)

True Confessions of a Mom:  Jennie’s Top Ten Guide to Spotting a Tourist (Based on Being One)

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You know who they are.  The wide eyes, the excitement, the attire and accessories that all point to the same conclusion:  These must be TOURISTS!  As I looked at all these people surrounding me on a recent vacation, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them.   Confused, carrying maps and checking for all their family members.  I suddenly felt like a vacation pro!  Then it happened.  I realized that my family looked just as pitiful as the thousands of people that were flocking past me.  I have taken the time to point out a few tale tell signs that you or someone you love is tourist.  Don’t pass judgement until you remove the camera from your own eye.

 

Sign #1:  You rent a vehicle nicer than the one you own at home:

 

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Riding in style…..for a mini van.

 

It’s true.  We did.  Our vehicle had more bells and whistles than we ever figured out how to use.  I am not even sure how it happened.  One minute the man at the rental counter is talking to us about who will be driving the car and the next minute we have upgraded and added a package we never used onto our rental.  Curse you tricky voodoo rental car man!!!!!  On the other hand…..man, it was really nice.

Sign #2You feel free to nap at any given time:

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Sleepy head….

This is a picture of ALL of my family members napping at the resort lobby.

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I….Just….Can’t.

Mind you, they have been sitting on an airplane, and then sitting in a luxury van; now sitting in the lobby of a luxury resort….I can see how one could be tired.  There were more naps taken on vacation then I care to admit, but isn’t that a perk of vacation?

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There was A LOT of napping.

If you can’t feel free to doze off and catch some zzzzz’s than it is NOT a vacation!

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oooooo…..ahhhhhh…..

Sign #3You gawk at nature like you are the FIRST person seeing the FIRST palm tree EVER!

Everyone has done it.  Do not even pretend you haven’t.  You show up in Florida and all of a sudden you need a picture of a palm tree…..then with you in front of the palm tree…..then with the kids in front of the palm tree……then you try a selfie with you and your spouse in front of the palm tree.

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No joke, I have like 15 different palm tree pictures.

Then night comes and “oh take my picture in front of the lit up palm tree” It happens. You are not alone in this. Admit it. Own it.

Sign #4You apply sunscreen like you are vacationing on the sun itself:

You are no fool.  You have had that burn on the first day of vacation that all but ruined the remaining trip.  You won’t make that mistake again.

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Spray like no one is watching…..

 

You will apply every hour on the hour and don’t care who is in your “overspray” wake.  They can thank you later when they can undress without making the ow ow ow face while lifting their arms over their head.  It is a public service really.  You’re welcome.

Sign #5You wear a back pack:

Not only do you wear it, but you wear it with pride!  You are proud because your back pack contains anything anyone in your family could need at any given moment.

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“THE” back pack! Whatever you need…..I’ve got.

 

You need a band aid? Got it.  You need Advil or ANY other possible medication?  Got it.  You need water or a snack?  Heck ya!  I have it in my backpack!  Oddly that back pack never looked as full during the school year as it did on vacation……

Sign #6:  You give in to the peer pressure to go on rides you would NEVER go on!!!!

Lines are full of them.  The people dreading the ride.

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My mom asking to be air lifted off the ride……ummm no.

 

They are there because their children or grandchildren want them to be, or they are trying to act cool to friends, but on the inside a part of them is dying with each log taking off on a tour of brer rabbits home culminating in a 50 foot drop while you scream and wonder if your log took on water or if you actually wet yourself.

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Back Seat Brigade. Almost died. True Story.

 

Sign #7:  You admire scenery you don’t see at home…..like Hula Dancers.

This is my husband and son taking in the hula dancing scenery.  They clearly hate every moment.

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Father Son Bonding?

 

Sign #8:  You eat a lot of food!

The joy of vacation eating.  There are no rules.  No calories and no nights without dessert.  You eat like it is an Olympic event.

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Hey man, don’t judge me.

Make no apologies for it, it is what it is. You are known to wander an amusement park gnawing on a turkey leg while thinking about your buffet dinner and how to get the most out of it.  I get it….you paid for it!

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No words needed.

You think Disney ice cream tastes better than ice cream at home and have the need to test that theory at every ice cream vendor there is.  Quality control is a tough job……but someone’s got to do it.

Sign #9:  You take more pictures than anyone has a right to:

I am this person.  I admit it.

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Yup. I take pictures of pictures. Not ashamed.

 

I will take pictures of where we are staying, what we are eating, what fun things we are doing.  I am the pictorial historian of our family. Despite the looks of protest I get almost constantly, I strongly feel that someday my children will be looking for pictures and thanks to my OCD picture taking, they will have them.

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She is saying “seriously mom” through gritted teeth. Precious.

 

There is no picture too trivial to make it into my camera roll!! They are all special and tell a story!! You know you do it too!!!

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“Best bathroom EVER” selfie. Proud mom moment. I do make an impact.

 

Last but certainly not least.  Sign #10:  You run into someone looking like this in an elevator:

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Queen of the tourist experience. Paisley and stripes? Yes please!

This is my mother on the way home from the pool!  She is such a good sport, and clearly a tourist.  How can you tell you may ask?  Simple……. she has given up.  She doesn’t care who she runs into in this get up because she tells herself she will never see them again.  C’mon.  You know you have made this tourist move too.  You have said to yourself “I don’t care how I look; I don’t know anyone here and will never see them again”.  Well this is photographical proof of that frame of mind in action and we’ve ALL done it!

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This is our goofy family photo! If you’ve never taken one, try it!

As you break out into vacation mode this summer I give you permission to be a tourist!   Spray sunscreen, take countless photos, and eat until you can’t eat anymore. Embrace your inner tourist and own it!!  It is your time….enjoy it!!!

    1 Comment

  1. This is wonderful!! Epic!! Thank you for putting into words what we all experience at one time or another, in one place or another and throughout the whole entire world ! Keep the blogs coming….I LOVE reading them !

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